It's been a year and a half since I updated this blog. I have thought so many times about getting back into it, but the longer I go without updating, the more and more overwhelming it becomes to me. But I'm tired of continually putting it off. Tired of waiting for the time when I'm caught up on everything else in life, because that time will never come. I'll never be caught up. There will always be some project looming on the horizon that I feel like I HAVE to take care of before I can write and blog again.
I have a tendency to procrastinate on some things because I build them up in my mind to be these huge projects that are going to take me SO LONG to do. On Sunday, I sat down to write a family newsletter. I was sure I had written one back in May, but when I went looking for it, I didn't find it. Guess I didn't write one in May. The last one I wrote was in February. Seven months ago. Oops. Now, we've been busy. Just recapping the past seven months reminded me of how busy we've been, how many things have happened in our family and ministry. And so, forgetting to write a newsletter is understandable. Except that I didn't really forget. It's been one of those things in the back of my mind this entire time. I know it's undone. I know I'm behind, and it nags at me. But I make it out to be this big job that's going to take all this time, time I don't have right now, and so I put it off and put it off and make excuses.
I wrote the newsletter in a couple of hours on Sunday evening. I would have finished it completely, except that I couldn't get my computer connected to the Internet, so I was unable to download a couple of pictures I needed to plug in. So, I finished it last night and I emailed it out this afternoon. Now, I've been busy the last seven months. But not so busy that I couldn't have found a couple of hours to write a newsletter and send it out. I tell myself I don't have time. But the honest truth is that time is not the problem. Procrastinating on a task I perceive as unpleasant is the problem.
What am I trying to say? This blog has become something I am procrastinating on. Not because I perceive it as unpleasant. I used to enjoy blogging. I used to get a lot of satisfaction out of it. I still see it as something enjoyable, even though it is also a practical way to keep in touch with those who care about us and our ministry. But "catching up" feels like a bigger and bigger job the further and further behind I fall. That's why I'm procrastinating.
I am at a missionary women's retreat in Brazil this week. We are spending a lot of time in silence and solitude. We are reflecting on many things and trying to listen to God's voice. I personally am trying to figure out how I can recover some of my joy, and I know that part of that involves carving out time for those things that bring me satisfaction and fulfillment on a deep level. So I made it my goal to start writing and blogging again.
And even if I never "catch up," at least if I'm doing it regularly, I'm no longer procrastinating, right?